The Nan (approximately bi-weekly) Times

Today's top stories...

Mouse Cursor Kidnappings
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My mouse cursor is prone to kidnappings. One moment it's on my screen, the next, poof, gone. No official charges have been laid, but the computer is the prime suspect. These unfortunate events appear to have traumatized the cursor. Sometimes, it will just stop, stop and freeze. (Um, Simon says go?) On the really bad days, it will disappear all together. Or, maybe it's just stopped and waiting off screen. Who knows? Mice are very complex creatures.

Upside: How often do you crawl under your desk to look at the back of your computer? Not often enough I suspect. I find several times daily is a nice frequency.

Fernie 1/2 a Non-Event
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Ran the Fernie 1/2 the weekend before last. I, like my friend the cursor, seriously considered stopping, stopping and waiting ... for what? A ride. I'm forever grateful that my eyes have been opened to this obviously effective approach. Finished within a minute of the Canmore time. I have since compiled a comprehensive list detailing why I didn't beat the Canmore time. So, if you're really interested, I am ready.

FYI: You can't blame the birds for flying south in the fall. It's really very pretty. I would go too, if I was lighter and could fly that is.

A Fall Filled with Farewells
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I would like to bid farewell to my two good friends, right and left toe nail. Also, to the skin on the back of my heals. Ah, my sweet sweet heal skin, who moves in and out of my life with the cycles of the moon. Perfect timing, less weight for the marathon.

Lean Mean Running Machine a Fraud
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A ninja, claiming to transform into a lean mean running machine, is a fraud. In fact, the ninja is larger and friendlier than ever. Hmmmmm, wait, stop, erase, erase. Change "larger" to, "her protective outer layer now offers 20% more protection". Better.

Yoga can be Hazardous to Your Health
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Yoga, a sport that requires flexibility, strength and sticking power. Sticking power? Yes, extremely dangerous levels of sweat can be reached in Yoga. Levels resulting in an extremely low co-efficient of friction between the mat and the body parts holding the body upright. In fact, I've had to "take 5", take 5 before I was maimed and/or killied in a tragic slip and fall accident.

Calgary Dancers "Spice" up the Salsa
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A select group of Calgary salsa dancing men are attempting to fuse the traditionally very sexy and very steamy salsa dance with the midget toss. The idea is simple, why simply spin the woman, when you could spin AND toss her. Toss her real good. I have had the good fortune of dancing with some of these men. Call me traditional, but to me, salsa is not the midget toss.

I've also had the good fortune of learning a "new move". "You like to dance? I show you new move", the strange Latino says to me. Now, I'm not sure of the official name, but I'd call it something like the "Mass head sweat to arm transfer". Very advanced. It involves dancing with a large sweaty man, and the transfer of the man's head sweat to the woman's arms through a series of complicated arm movements. A lot of head sweat should be transferred. If a lot of head sweat is not transferred, you are not doing it correctly. Or, perhaps the man is simply not sweating enough. This is key.

Juicer is the new Crock-Pot
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I have a new juicer. Preliminary trials indicate that juicing is just as habit forming as slow cooking. Juicers beware. On the topic of habits, I've developed a serious sesame snap addiction. I am in the process of weaning myself off.

New Trans-Rockies Partner
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One trans-rocky partner down, a new partner steps up. How many will she go through folks? Place your bets now.